Have you noticed that when people say “How are you” they seem to use it the same way as saying “hello”. Why is that? When did it start to become a greeting and not a question? A greeting is “Hello”, “Hey”, “Hi” or from Downunder, “G’day Mate.”
“How are you” is a question which suggests it needs an answer. Yet, many people in our fast-paced world today have decided it is part of their greeting. They don’t wait to hear how you’re doing, and they don’t seem to care.
Listening more than you speak is a good rule of thumb. With ”How are you” as a greeting there’s no listening involved. If you don’t want an answer you shouldn’t be asking the question.
It’s definitely not complicated, but it amazes me how often I hear people greet with “Hello, how are you”, all in the same breath without a pause. Then they start talking about what they have on their mind, their agenda. Whether it’s business or pleasure they handle it the same way.
I actually care when I say “How are you?” I want to know. People are amazed at the fact that I stop and listen, and if they don’t say anything I ask again. Individuals comment on the fact that most people don’t care when they ask, so they’ll only respond with “Fine”. Then I ask them to back up a minute, they can’t brush me off with “fine” unless they are actually fine. With somebody who doesn’t seem fine it is exactly why I’m asking. I dig a little deeper. I want to see how I may be able to not only assist their business, but the individual as well. I have contacts I can connect them with if need be. When I work with clients this is a rule for me. I ask them how they are when we start each session. They can’t say fine, okay or not bad. They actually have to talk to me.
Health, wellness and fitness have always been a big part of my life. Being able to persevere, not miss time at work, or pass work to others when I’ve had an accident, procedure or surgery, has been part of my success. Taking care of ourselves is paramount. This means resting both our mind and body, eating nutritious food, including things that make us smile and laugh in our day, plus time with family and friends. I received an invitation to a hockey game recently, the first larger outing in two years. It was so much fun! Then this past week I went on a Christmas outing with a friend to see “The Tenors”, a wonderful evening out, part of my fun time. It’s not that I do big outings every week but, it’s important that we do things that we enjoy that make us smile. Smiling is good for us.
Smiling not only offers a mood boost but helps our bodies release cortisol and endorphins that provide numerous health benefits, including:
- Reduced blood pressure
- Increased endurance
- Reduced pain
- Reduced stress
- Strengthened immune system*
We deal with things that make us stressed, tired or unhappy. It is essential to counteract bad with good. That’s where taking care of yourself and enjoying some time out, or whatever fun and relaxing means for you applies.
Smiling is the other thing that keeps us happy. I know it sounds silly but there are those who take it to heart. Edwin Edebiri created a networking group, Happy Neighbourhood Project. If you haven’t checked them out you should. He’s all about smiling, laughing and being happy, it’s healthy! Did you know smiling takes less of a toll on your body and your mental health. There are many physical and psychological benefits to smiling.
Next time you’re walking down the street, smile at someone. Even with a mask you can still tell what your first face is doing.
I watch people all the time and it’s a shame to see that some people don’t think about what they’re saying. (If you haven’t realized this is a bit of a pet peeve for me). Next time you say “Hello, how are you” to someone, pause, and wait for the answer. If somebody’s having a bad day they may need your help. They may need an ear, or only to know that somebody cares. If you don’t want to help, and you don’t care, don’t ask. Instead of saying “How are you?”, say a heartfelt “Hello” and move on from there to see where your conversation goes.
This will take some effort and focus at first. It may be difficult to stop yourself from making “How are you” a greeting. Putting in the effort will be well worth it. You’ll find that you have much more meaningful conversations, when you care about the answer and you actually stop and listen.
Here is a kid’s song that will remind us what saying “Hello, how are you? ” is actually about. (It’s silly, have a little fun with it. Share it with a parent you know.)
